In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sorry my hands just texted you
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
