I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
