I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
