i just made my gag reflex go away.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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