The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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