i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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