I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am one with the molecules
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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