Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
