i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
