She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm passing your future prison.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
