The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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