Don't make out with my wife yet
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
