this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
