Yo dont text me then not text me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
