I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
