I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
