you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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