i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
