Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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