I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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