I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize