I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Then you guys just all showered together...?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I have post one night stand depression
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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