It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize