So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
