I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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