Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
