It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
How naked do you want me to be?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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