when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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