dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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