You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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