First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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