Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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