It's like God shit irony all over that family
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
