On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
