I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
