yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize