she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
