By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
