Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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