this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize