I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
