I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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