She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
