I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize