miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
