last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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