just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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