we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
