He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
