and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
