Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
