I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
