Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
