She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
