Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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