Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
