Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
