i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
