my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
