i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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