There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
