i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
