Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
