Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
