I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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