Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
