they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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