she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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