I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
